Quick Update..

Dating stinks, it's almost as bad as it was when I was dating guys. I don't have anyone I love - not even anyone I like. I spend most of the time by myself with the baby. We go to story time and have a new one we will start in January.

Oh yeah and the big news. My son is WALKING! He walked alone before 9 months. He actually took his first steps alone right before he was 8 months and now he has been walking for about two weeks. Now he makes it across the room and all over the place...good lord slow down baby!

I LOVE my son. He is such a big boy. I have a post I am working on about only children, about having only one child. It is a strong possibility for me, but it makes me sad. I cried when we changed his car seat, and packed his baby stuff away in the attic. I'm not sure I could risk my health for another child, I wouldn't adopt because that would be selfish (I have a child already - let someone else have a chance), but I long to be pregnant again, to have another itty bitty baby...

A New Kind of "Dating"

I got married so I thought dating was over. Now I have found a new kind of dating. I am dating other mommies. I am trying to find a mom who has a similar parenting style, a similar life style (broke-ass), and has a child in the same age range as mine. In a perfect world I would also like her or him I guess.

So far dating isn't going well. I haven't found anyone that meshes. There were promising first dates, even promising second dates but nothing that is sticking. I wonder if I am being too picky so far there have been:

• The stay at home mom who overbooks herself with her play groups so there never really is time to meet up
• The mom who is much more cautious than me (I think of her as a helicopter mom already) so playing with them just stresses me out and makes me feel guilty for all of my kid's bumps and scrapes
  
• The financially comfortable stay at home moms (two of them from library time) who seem to go shopping all the time - one is currently trying to track down a gap hat from somewhere across the continental US

The search continues...

HEY!

Sorry it has been so long. I read my google reader but after a day or so I forget to check on comments. Things are much better.

My dad spent 30 days in detox/in patient treatment. He tested positive for some drugs as well as alcohol. He is home now and going to his 90 meetings in 90 days and doing intensive (3 hours five days a week) out patient treatment. He is so much more like the dad I remember. I have been trying to get my mom to go to Al Anon meetings but she hasn't done it so far.

I have been working on being more "available" to my husband. That has worked better for both of us I think. I am not totally sure what is going on for the future but I am much happier right now.

I know I have said it before but you guys are awesome. I feel like you are my only friends. My friends IRL aren't really even friends anymore. They all seem to be weird relationships that have fallen apart and I am so done with them.

School is HARD. I am in my first semester of nursing school and they have changed the program so that it is very difficult to pass but if you do pass and graduate there is almost no way you can not pass the licensing exam. I can't wait until next semester - that's when we get to do clinicals in the hospital.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I am reading with you guys every day, I promise to try and post more for advice and just let you know I am still alive :)

Nancy - I said all that stuff because it is true. I admire you greatly.

Thrown...

I got one of the biggest shocks of my life yesterday. My mom called me and sounded off, she had to but my dad in rehab. I had no idea there was any problem. He is currently in detox and we will find out how long he will be an in patient and transition to out patient. We haven't heard anything...

I seriously had no idea there was a problem...

so...are you happy ever day?

I sh*t you not, my husband asked me that while he was getting ready for work and I was going to bed with S.A.T.C. the movie on. He was watching it and when Charlotte answered that he asked me. I hesitated and he took a breath like he was sucker punched. I guess he didn't know...

He asked if I was happy every other day and I didn't answer him. He looked really hurt. I told him I used to be happy every day and maybe it averages to ever other day now, but no I am not happy and certainly not ever day. He told me he is (?????). Since this happened as he was off to work there wasn't much time to talk. I told him I guess I just had higher expecations for marriage, our partnership, and parenting and I feel let down a lot. I also told him what he did know - that I was sorry for the lack of a s-e-x life but I just have no desire or interest (and to be honest it has been that way for years). Obviously it is something I need to work through with myself because it isn't him it truly is me.

I have no idea when we will have time to sit down and hash this out (we don't have a day off together until I finish work in October), but I guess since the door was opened by him we can talk and hopefully figure out what is going on with me; since apparently he is happy...not all day every day, but every day...

Enough

How do you know when you have had enough? When is it just time to call it quits?

I know it depends right? I feel I am at a crossroads with many of my friendships and with my marriage. I know that I have said it before but I just don't know if we are going to be in it for the long haul. I have some things we need to talk about, but at the same time I am afraid of what will happen if I bring them up.

He can't think things are going well, can he?

As for my friends, just because you have been friends forever - does that mean you should still be friends? I realized today while reading a f.b. post that I don't have anything in common with a few of my "closest" friends. Like nothing. Can you just let things fade away?

Ahhhh "Friends"

This friend that once told someone that at least they knew they would all be married before me, because I was so fat. She was married the day after Colin was born needless to say I got married before her and for the record before that other girl involved in the conversation mentioned previously. I saw a former "friend" at a concert this summer (NKOTB BABY!!!). At the concert she told me that I looked good for just having a baby....uuuuuuhhhhh...thanks?

Anyway she's pregnant and due on her anniversary. To her I wish a weight gain of 60 lbs that is hard to lose.