HEY!

Sorry it has been so long. I read my google reader but after a day or so I forget to check on comments. Things are much better.

My dad spent 30 days in detox/in patient treatment. He tested positive for some drugs as well as alcohol. He is home now and going to his 90 meetings in 90 days and doing intensive (3 hours five days a week) out patient treatment. He is so much more like the dad I remember. I have been trying to get my mom to go to Al Anon meetings but she hasn't done it so far.

I have been working on being more "available" to my husband. That has worked better for both of us I think. I am not totally sure what is going on for the future but I am much happier right now.

I know I have said it before but you guys are awesome. I feel like you are my only friends. My friends IRL aren't really even friends anymore. They all seem to be weird relationships that have fallen apart and I am so done with them.

School is HARD. I am in my first semester of nursing school and they have changed the program so that it is very difficult to pass but if you do pass and graduate there is almost no way you can not pass the licensing exam. I can't wait until next semester - that's when we get to do clinicals in the hospital.

Thank you all so much for your comments. I am reading with you guys every day, I promise to try and post more for advice and just let you know I am still alive :)

Nancy - I said all that stuff because it is true. I admire you greatly.

Thrown...

I got one of the biggest shocks of my life yesterday. My mom called me and sounded off, she had to but my dad in rehab. I had no idea there was any problem. He is currently in detox and we will find out how long he will be an in patient and transition to out patient. We haven't heard anything...

I seriously had no idea there was a problem...

so...are you happy ever day?

I sh*t you not, my husband asked me that while he was getting ready for work and I was going to bed with S.A.T.C. the movie on. He was watching it and when Charlotte answered that he asked me. I hesitated and he took a breath like he was sucker punched. I guess he didn't know...

He asked if I was happy every other day and I didn't answer him. He looked really hurt. I told him I used to be happy every day and maybe it averages to ever other day now, but no I am not happy and certainly not ever day. He told me he is (?????). Since this happened as he was off to work there wasn't much time to talk. I told him I guess I just had higher expecations for marriage, our partnership, and parenting and I feel let down a lot. I also told him what he did know - that I was sorry for the lack of a s-e-x life but I just have no desire or interest (and to be honest it has been that way for years). Obviously it is something I need to work through with myself because it isn't him it truly is me.

I have no idea when we will have time to sit down and hash this out (we don't have a day off together until I finish work in October), but I guess since the door was opened by him we can talk and hopefully figure out what is going on with me; since apparently he is happy...not all day every day, but every day...

Enough

How do you know when you have had enough? When is it just time to call it quits?

I know it depends right? I feel I am at a crossroads with many of my friendships and with my marriage. I know that I have said it before but I just don't know if we are going to be in it for the long haul. I have some things we need to talk about, but at the same time I am afraid of what will happen if I bring them up.

He can't think things are going well, can he?

As for my friends, just because you have been friends forever - does that mean you should still be friends? I realized today while reading a f.b. post that I don't have anything in common with a few of my "closest" friends. Like nothing. Can you just let things fade away?

Ahhhh "Friends"

This friend that once told someone that at least they knew they would all be married before me, because I was so fat. She was married the day after Colin was born needless to say I got married before her and for the record before that other girl involved in the conversation mentioned previously. I saw a former "friend" at a concert this summer (NKOTB BABY!!!). At the concert she told me that I looked good for just having a baby....uuuuuuhhhhh...thanks?

Anyway she's pregnant and due on her anniversary. To her I wish a weight gain of 60 lbs that is hard to lose.

Thanks Duggars

Seriously? You needed another? Thanks make everyone trying for years to have a baby to feel so good. Awesome.

Wow - Time Flies!

Has it really been a month since I posted? Wow. I have so much to say, at the same time nothing to say. After my last post all of my friends disappeared. It was really weird. No one was returning calls, texts, emails. I was starting to get a complex. I stopped contacting everyone. I have recently received a few texts or emails explaining where people have been. They all have their reasons. I guess I was just really hurt. A few of them I have talked to and a few, I have pretty much written off. I am done chasing people, it hurts really because I feel so friendless and like I have no one I can talk to about what is going on with me (except you guys).

My friend who did IVF is one that went missing. Last I heard she has a healthy singleton pregnancy and has morning sickness pretty bad. I am also having trouble connecting with my girl friend who lost her baby in January. I have come to find out that the baby was sick with a chromosomal disorder (not a fatal one) and they chose to terminate the pregnancy. I am not judging her for it, but she is grieving so hard and posting links to articles about loss of a child. I am not sure what she is grieving for, her lost dreams of a healthy child or the loss of her sick child. It makes it hard to talk to her. I don't want to bring up my confusion because I am afraid she would be offended.

I am back to work and sort of enjoying it. I think it is because I know that I have an end to it so the normal work BS isn't getting to me. I start school in a few weeks. I got some of my books and my first reading assignments. I also got permission from the dean to take a higher level class (the nursing ethics class) this semester. I am happy that one will be out of the way too.

Colin is getting so big already. I can hardly believe that he is almost six months old already. Where does the time go? I am still reading along with you guys and lurking on my usual blogs. I have to say I answered the worst thing someone ever said to me question on Nancy's blog, but I still can't think of the nicest. Isn't that so bizarre. It reminds me of the SATC when Carrie talks about only be living our worst reviews. I should try and remember some of the good ones :)